the previous entry was made by jason oruch, my love

sorry kids i dont do the xanga thing anymore

but i do do the jason thing, and he's in town right now:)

Just a quick update of my life for all you who still read this

WOW, KC was incredible. i love nicole and adam.

I saw Jason when he was home, he stopped by, and then at the airport.

I love life right now....

FRICK!!!!!!!

jess

vulnerable

i think thats the word that best describes the feeling that i often have. this sense that latches on and follows me like a tail aroud wherever i go. its not the vulnerability of being jumped in an ally, or getting a deadly disease. its the emotional vulnerability that makes me feel as if i am easy shot down, easily swayed.

surreal

life often moves around you as you sit there and survey it. before you know it your saying things that you dont know are coming out of your mouth and then later look back and say 'wow, did that really happen?'

pointless

what this entry has been so far...

so i had a good long talk tonight with a friend and aside from all the boob jokes, it was actually pretty rewarding. i think ive found that at times it is better to just chill with one person and have a good carefree talk. venting is good, and everyone needs it some time or other, no matter how macho or inverted you are. there is someone you should spill most of your feelings to. it just feels good when you find people taht you can do that with. and when you do, you need to savor them for what they have.

ive also learned that you cannot expect the same thing from every person. sometimes you just need to learn their faults and grow to accept them. so if you know that susy jane always gets overprotective about her hips while you and janice can talk about her hips all day long, you just need to lay off the size chat with susy jane, no matter how easy it is to drone about it with janice. wow that was a long metaphor.

hmm the reason i dont really update in this anymore, is because i have people to confide in and i dont really need to share with the world wide web my emotions. anyone who i want to know i can simply call or see and tell.

so i guess unless i become inspired with something, this thing wont be getting much action for a while, the opposite of me;)jk

mmmmyeah

jess

things to look forward to

fall break

being mit mom

Jason coming home

royales

good friends

good times

homecoming05

new beginings

life's curveballs make it all worth while

and so it begins...

my junior year in highschool

having to worry about boy, grades, dating, bbyo, parents, friends, keeping people in controll, keeping myself in controll.

this should be one hell of a trip. a new chapter in my life and i am going to make the best of it. i think i know who my real friends are now and who my 'wishy washy friends' are. the people who say they care but then never really follow through. the people that would hang out with you if you happen to run into them but you wouldnt persay call with a problem. and i am lucky because i have a lot of good friends. and thats what its all about. the people you know will be there for you through thick and thin. the people who give a shit.

i think that there is no serious generic highschool image, because there are so many different types of highschool cliques or groups. i think its just where you find out who you are. you can be the person who has a tight group of friends that go and party every weekend, to the people who have many different groups of friends that they are in, which i guess i am in. but which one is the ideal i do not know. because on one hand the first example i named is very secure but on the other hand the second is more change more experiences. and thats what i and i think anyone else wants, experiences.

a lot of times people do not act the way that you expect them to and situations do not play out like you thought they would. your expectations of yourself when you are a freshman are very different to what you are right now i am sure.

intense-thats what i can describe my life being as right now. intense good and intense bad, just both.

change-its happeend, theres no stopping it. so im going to make the damn best time i can with it. like people say, the only constant in life is the fact that you know it will change.

this has been a lot of rambling but i felt like i just needed to have some sort of entry to welcome my 11th year in school. just 2 more and its the REAL world, not that i dont feel like this isnt very real world now.

allright im done analyzing now, i think ive fullfilled my daily dosage.

jess

I am color...blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am.... fine
I am fine